Office #5 | All Day

[charming_thief]

As far as Neal was concerned, this gig was just about the perfect job. All he had to do was teach one class a week -- and about his own favorite things, no less. That was pretty much perfect. And the students weren't awful. Today he was finishing setting up his office. Once he'd put up a couple paintings and a few little trinket-type things, he was all set up. He took a seat with his feet up on the desk, lazily stirring a cup of coffee that had gone cold an hour ago. Maybe more kids would show up to badger him about being his assistant. That'd be fun.

Peter had no idea what he'd signed him up for. This was awesome.

Comments

[charming_thief]

He snickered. Oh, she wanted this job so bad. "Good to know," he said, amused.

Then, offhandedly, "Do you know why they keep the museums air-conditioned?"

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Kenzi paused, trying to think beyond the obvious. "Wellll, to suck people in, I'd guess. And..." Hmmm. "Is it good for the art?" Not statues. But paintings?

[charming_thief]

Point Kenzi!

Impressed, Neal actually put down his BlackBerry to survey her approvingly. "Yeah, it is," he said. "The cold keeps the paint from fading or decomposing. Which is why if you ever want to make a painting look old, you should..."

He trailed off, hoping she could fill in the blank.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

"Heat it up? Oh oh oh, so it looks all wrinkled and shit?" Ha! Kenzi did a little happy dance at this new information. "Bet you gotta be careful it doesn't catch on fire, though. Does canvas burn?"

[charming_thief]

"Exactly," he agreed, amused by her little happy dance. "It doesn't burn unless you treat it with something, but sometimes that can be helpful too, like how burning paper makes the edges curl up like parchment."

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Your fault if she explodes the Common Room experimenting with this stuff, Caffrey. Peter would not be amused.

"So C.S.I. or whatever can't tell all the time, right? Sometimes if you do it right, nobody can tell it's not five hundred years old or whatever?"

See how smart she was? Didn't she deserve a T.A. job?

[charming_thief]

No, Peter wouldn't be amused, but it might be worth it just for the phone call. And on that note...

"If you know what you're doing, then yeah," he replied. "Not on sight, anyway. They can test the actual paint, but there are ways of getting around that too."

It was fun, sharing this stuff with such an avid listener for a change, instead of Peter of the Disapproving Glare.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

"Liiiiike?" Kenzi paused, looking hopeful, then considering. "Do you have to put weird crap in it? Like moss or dirt or something?" She looked at the painting. "I can't do better than stick figures. Are there any famous stick figure artists?"

Maybe she could find someone else who could actually paint, then do all the technical crap to the painting...

[charming_thief]

"Moss or dirt? Please." Neal waved a hand. "You can swab the original, stick it in just the right solution... it takes precision." His eyes twinkled a little teasingly.

"And the trick is, if you do it wrong once? Screwed for life."

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

"... but, like, only if you sell it, right?" She could practice! A lot! Until she got it right! Kenzi looked down at his tracker, and looked sympathetic. "So you did it wrong once?"

[charming_thief]

"Me? Never. But I've seen genius cons blow it after just one shot." He smirked. "I was never convicted on art theft."

He would swear it to his GRAVE, Kenzi. God.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

"Awesome." Today was a day for meeting bad influences, clearly. "So was it the, whatyoucallem, fractals?" That sounded complicated.

[charming_thief]

Some teachers might argue that telling their students their major weaknesses was unwise. Neal was not such a teacher.

"Bonds, actually," he replied. "Bond forgery. The FBI was calling me James Bonds until they caught me."

A smile twinged at the corner of his mouth. Come on, Peter, really?

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Kenzi chortled, gleeful. "Stay away from bonds, gotcha." Easy enough! "I feel like I should pay you back for all this good info..."

Say, by being a TA who Mr. Caffrey would keep telling this stuff to, maybe?

[charming_thief]

Coming from a woman with six or seven more years on her and slightly less of a tendency to happy-dance, Neal would have interpreted that very differently. Ahem.

But in the meantime...

"Oh, really?" he asked, feigning innocence. "Thinking of anything in particular?"

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Ahem! Kenzi would have been flattered and intimidated, so just as well, no?

"Welll, there is that TA thingie, if you know, someone with more bonds experience didn't come along?" Fine, make her say it, Mr. Caffrey.

[charming_thief]

Low blow, Kenzi. Low blow.

"Hmm," he said, drumming his fingers on the table. "Well. I guess you could be pretty useful. Can you use Excel?"

He was bullshitting, of course. Like he would need someone who could use Excel.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

"Duh, of course." Please. Computers were toys! Also they had games. In fact... Kenzi reached into her pocket and brought out her second goody. "I might have gotten motivated."

Neal Caffrey
Instructor, Fandom High
Tricks, Cons and Bamboozles
Contract work by appointment

It was pretty nice card stock, too. Although Kenzi was thinking she needed to swipe some official Fandom High letterhead soon...

[charming_thief]

...Wow.

Neal took it, amused beyond belief. She was something, this kid. "And I'm doing contract work now, am I?" he laughed.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

"You could be! I mean, one class a week, that's gotta leave you a lot of free time." Kenzi beamed at him, totally pleased with herself. "You could even fancy it up, put a copymark or motto on the back to make it even more official."

[charming_thief]

Neal didn't even know where to start with that. He decided to go with this: "Rule number two of tricks and cons," he informed her, leaning in, "is that evidence like business cards, no matter how good the card stock, isn't such a great idea. Word of mouth is better. It inspires clients' trust."

Not that he was even planning to do anything. He had told Peter he'd be good. And he -- well, he might. Come on.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Awwwwww. Kenzi looked crestfallen for a second, then rallied. "Well, but maybe you teach by appointment?" she suggested, lips quirking up. "It's kinda vague! But I get your point. Hmm." Damnit.

Of course, making flyers for something that was mostly legit was still cool, right?

[charming_thief]

Sometimes?

"The good thing about word of mouth, though," he said, aiming to fix the whole crestfallen thing, "is that people will sometimes just decide you're offering a service, even if you're not, if they happen to have heard of you, which saves you the trouble of having to spread the word."

Like anyone who had read about him in the news. Ahem.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

"Ooo." Now Kenzi was perky again. "So, like being headhunted for a job, and saying, 'I can totally do that' and then making it work even if you hadn't tried it before. Score!"

[charming_thief]

Huh. Interesting analogy, but yeah.

"Basically, yeah," Neal agreed. "Or kind of like doing something cool so people can see, and then getting recruited to do it without even offering."

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

"Hmmmmmmmmm."

Thanks for giving her so many ideas, Neal.

"So. Do I get this job?"

[charming_thief]

"That depends," he said, plucking up the fork she'd given him to go with the cake. He scooped up a forkful of it and tried it, nodding approvingly. That was damn good cake.

"Yeah," he said. "You get the job. I take Italian roast coffee. Cream, no sugar."

Enjoy the job, Kenzi.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

"Yes!" And again the happy dance!

"...riiiiight."

Damnit. This was gonna be some kind of dues-paying thing, wasn't it? Ah well.

"Coffee coming up, boss."

[charming_thief]

Neal being Neal, and as such possessing a tendency to milk things for all they were worth, he plucked a coffee cup off the desk. (So he'd stolen it from Peter. What? It was a memento.) He dangled the cup in her direction.

"Twice a day should work."

DEAL WITH IT, Kenzi.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Which got him a narrow-eyed look and: "My name's Kenzi, not Coffee Woman. And if you're not here when I come by, I'm drinking it myself."

BACK ATCHA, MR. CAFFREY.

[charming_thief]

"And what makes you so sure that with all my experience, I didn't develop an immunity to a poison powder that I used to line this coffee mug just so people wouldn't drink my coffee?"

...He hadn't.

...Yet.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

"How do you know I won't poison it so I can steal all your cool stuff?"

That one chick in Toys as Weapons class said she knew from poison! It was a place to start!

[charming_thief]

"And how do you know I won't be immune to whatever poison you use?"

This was getting childish. Also enjoyable.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

"How does anybody know anything?" Although okay, he might know more, being older. Maaaaybe. "Guess we'll find out, hunh?"

[charming_thief]

Well, hey. What was the point of an assistant who didn't keep you on your toes?

Neal's standards for hiring were different from most.

"Guess so," he said, and held out his hand for her to shake. "Congratulations, ah..."

Whoops. Had he ever gotten her name?

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Hahahahha, points to the apprentice, yes!

"Kenzi. Last name not important. I'm maybe changing it when I turn eighteen anyway." She grinned at Mr. Caffrey. Neal. "Thanks, dude. You won't regret this."

Much.

[charming_thief]

"Not if my coffee arrives on time, anyway," he said dryly, but he was grinning nonetheless. "See you, Kenzi."